Friendship

Today I had my friend Tiffany and her family come over for a visit to see the horses and have dinner at my parents house.  The entire time they were here I kept asking myself one question, and I think those of you have kids will relate...."Why don't we do this more often?"

As our son's (hers and mine) played together, pet the horses, and us parents chatted I count help but feel bad that I don't do this kind of stuff more often with my friends.  As a parent I get so caught up in just making it through the day, surviving the little speed bumps that is my life now, that my friends and family become side attractions on the road. 

Do you want to get together? they ask...we say yeah.  Then neither of us ever do because most of my friends now have families of their own and it is so hard to coordinate.  Am I a bad friend I think?  Of course not...but for those of you who are not parents...who don't realize the responsibility of that task...it is so hard to explain to you how hard it is to choose between spending time with friends and keeping those connections strong OR spending time with your kid who doesn't see you much because you work two jobs. 

Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure, like I can't win for trying.  Other times I feel like I am keeping a good balance only to find out that I or realize that I haven't kept up with certain people.

For someone like myself who is a GREAT organizer and planner, sometimes even I cannot keep up with the musts and the have toos...call friend A, see friend B, go here with son, go on date with husband, plan for school, grade papers, did I tell boss at jewelry store what I needed to?...all these things go through a mothers thoughts.

If only my single friends could understand...don't get me wrong some of them totally respect that I am a mother who has a chaotic life...but I have lost friends because they just don't get it (lost as in either lost completely--except for facebook--or friends who aren't flexible enough to work around what we need--or just plain lost them because they couldn't see past their own needs). 

So as our sons played today and I reconnected with a great friend...I felt guilty that I haven't seen her more, I felt guiltier still as I thought of other friends who I haven't seen either, and really guilty that I have a friend who just had major surgery, and because I haven't had 2 seconds to just breath, I haven't seen yet...what is a mother supposed to do?

I end this post with this....if you are a mother and my friend thank you for knowing what each of us goes through in relationships (as a wife, a mother, a friend, a coworker, a ______) and for understanding what it truly means to be #2 sometimes; and to my single friends thank you for understanding, for being there even though you may not fully understand, you are truly lifesavers and dear to my heart for knowing that even though I may not see you for a year...you still are my shining stars!

Tiffany....thank you for a great visit and for making me feel sane in a world that feels very unstable right now!  I appreciate it and hope we can do it again this summer!